Quote of the Day

"Luck is where preparation meets opportunity."

Am I on the right road?

The things I have done in my life to get to where I am today... oh, the stories I could tell. But, we all have stories, don't we? Everyday is an opportunity to reinvent who we are. So, who do I want to be? What kind of picture do I want people to see? What am I projecting out to strangers? And am I really right where I am supposed to be? What does that really mean? I am full of questions today. The only thing I know for certain is that I am trying my best to be who I should be. To take advantage of the opportunities that have been presented to me and to grasp onto them with vigor and see where I end up. I sure hope its on top. I deserve to be on top. We all do. So what are you waiting for? :)

Quote of the day

"Do not think you are on the right road just because it is well beaten"

When sadness creeps in...

The oil spill in the gulf is really getting me down. I just watched a youtube video by a woman who lives down there and has had a first hand experience of the whole situation from behind the scenes at BP. It doesn't sound good. I mean it never has. But, really can no one come up with a solution? Is this just what we are going to deal with? Are these the "end days"? Maybe that is part of my sadness more than anything... that we are destroying this earth everyday. The ocean life is dying and people near the gulf are being affected by the air quality. Children are getting sick and who knows what the long term effects will be. No one really knows. It is just dismal. And right now as I write this my cousin just told me that there is a storm coming and that means that the ships that are in the ocean are going to have to leave what they are doing and it could halt relief efforts for up to two weeks at a time. OYE!
The sadness also gets worse when I think of the people whose livelyhoods have been affected by the oil spill. They had been hit hard a few years ago by disasters like Katrina and things had finally been getting back to "normal" and this happens and there seems to be no HOPE. Hope, the one thing I strive to have everyday for a better future. But, these hard working people are losing their hope. They are taking it out on their families, their wives and children are getting the brunt of their frustration and anger. Some are committing suicide and this is only the beginning.
So, what do we do? What can we do? All I can think to do right now is to pray. To send light and love to those in pain. To ask that the animals and ocean life that are hurting and dying because of this thing humans did for our own selfish needs be forgiven. That the birds and fish go peacefully without too much pain. And most of all that we learn something from this horrible disaster. That the earth is not going to heal from everything we do to it. That we have to take better care of the place we live, of the things we have.
One thing we can do is donate hair. Donate time. Help somehow. We can donate hair so that they can make boons to collect the oil. 

http://www.matteroftrust.org/programs/hairmatsinfo.html

Why isn't it like in the movies?!

A reoccurring theme in any single woman's life... love. Where is it? I have found love, lost love, been engaged and lived with a man... and now it's just me. Sometimes I wonder if being "in love" will interfere too much with being me... and so it has not happened like it happens in the movies... you meet, you fall in love, you make mad passionate love, you get married... I've made it all the way up to the you get married part. I am OK with this. I can't imagine being married right now. That means I would have someone else to make plans with for the future, someone else's goals to think about besides my own... o.k. honestly I would not mind thinking and dreaming up the future with a partner... but it is nice to know that I am the only one I have to worry about right now. Esp. since I have plenty to worry about all on my own. And I know that in the past I have lost myself in relationships. I have spent too much time worrying about the other person and less time focusing on what I need and want for me... and no one else. I believe I was put on this earth with special gifts to give.... now if I could just figure out what they are. ;) Ive been told by intuitive people that I was meant to do something healing with art but what that is, I haven't a clue. And honestly part of my search for what I am "meant" to do is starting right here on this blog. It's all about me. Ha. I know that I need to do some real soul searching to find out what I need to be doing in life. And what better way to do that than to look closely at what life is telling me and to try and decode it. So, no "love of my life" - yet. Well, I better get moving on the me part so that when that man walks into my life that I want nothing more than to waste my days lying in bed talking to him I will be able to do that freely because I have some other things figured out first.  For now I'll just smile because I know that love is out there. I also know that I have so much love in my life already that I don't need to hurry on finding a "love of my life". For now I'll just Smile.

There are no rules on how we connect...

I have a friend who I feel so connected too but we hardly ever talk. When we do end up talking time just flies by and I feel that I end up telling her the most personal information ever... things that I would be embarrassed to tell other people. And it always feels good to tell her. To talk to her, to say anything to her. There is a man in my life like that too. And I wish that he could be the man I spend the rest of my life with but I just don't think that is our destiny this time around. And so we talk and talk and talk... Like tonight we talked for almost 4 hours! We hadn't seen each other in 3 weeks and a lot had happened... but it is so easy to get lost in conversation with him as well. I hope that I can find this with the man I marry. I hope I can find a man that I feel so connected to in every possible way, one that I can say anything too. But, then I worry that this man will not like my relationship that I have with this other man. But he has become just a friend. A really good friend that I would hate to lose. Someone I always want to feel connected too. I suppose this could change too. That we could drift apart and move on. If we both found other people to date and they would take up our time and energy. The thing is that it all comes back to love and trust. I love a lot of people. I trust few and truly connect with only a handful. But in this ever changing world we live in why stop connecting with as many people as you can? This life to me is like a big school and the only way we are going to learn and grow spiritually is to connect with people on a deeper level and then we will evolve. So, evolve already! :)

Quote of the Day

“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” 

 Greg Anderson

Past Ghosts...

Being back at home has really brought me back to my old self. Well, I am still me... but the people who used to be in my life everyday, old boyfriends, old friends... they are coming out of the woodwork! It's been a blast. It's also been really exhausting! Old feelings toward people come right back to the surface, especially when they are bad feelings. I've discovered that people's relationships - or the way they relate - it never really changes. The things that got on my nerves 10 years ago - guess what? They still get on my nerves! There was some small part of me that wanted to just spend some time with an old boyfriend and just be friends. Just connect as people who are experiencing life. Instead of being able to do that, old feelings came up and I felt objectified. As a conquest that has been already won and could easily be conquered again. Is that what I really am to him? As we walked around this place where we met up I was introduced as his "Best Friend" The one who knew more about him than anyone else. The sad fact is that I probably was HIS best friend, but the question still lurks in my head - was he EVER my friend? We danced our dance for five years and now he has moved on and I am happy for him, but will he ever be happy? It feels good to know that is not my life anymore... this person who made my life really tough for a long time could no longer rule my emotions as he once had. It is a freeing feeling and yet it was disturbing to revisit that part of my life. Who was that girl that allowed that? The good thing about being able to revisit the past is that it is the past. I feel really good to able to leave it there. Some times I worry about my future, like who will I end up with or am I destined to be alone? But in the end I realize that it is not the destination that I need to focus on but how I do on the journey there....

“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”

Dreams

I've been traveling a bunch lately... sleeping in different beds. In the last two weeks I've been in 5 different beds in 5 different places and the one consistent thing is that I have been having some rather vivid dreams. For the most part they have been about or including two guys in my life. And its been interesting how the dreams have been playing out and when and where these guys come into play.  It's almost like they switch off every night. The interesting thing about them being in my dreams is that I wake up every morning knowing they were there and what happened. Which is not always a "normal" thing for me. So, the question is: What are these dreams trying to tell me? One of the guys I LOVE and the other I am just getting to know. There are two different types of connections between the two and yet I am not really sure that I am going to end up with either one of them. Dating sure is hard. Sometimes I think I would be better off single. But then I know I want a loving husband and a family, right? Don't I know that? Sometimes I wonder what I really know... And sometimes I think that I am just plain not ready for the love of my life. Maybe I need more time to figure out how to make it in the world with out a man before I can fully let one in to take up my time. Because I do get lazy when I got a man in my bed... I mean why get up when everything you want is right there?  In the end though, I do want to find that love that will make the days a little less heavy and good times that much more fun. Whether or not that will happen sooner than later doesn't really matter, I guess what matters is that it happens with the right person. <3