Introversion

I recently read an article about introversion. I am most definitely, 100% x 20 an introvert. I've known that for a long time. But not when I was young. When you are a child and an introvert you get labeled shy and quiet. You get asked questions like why don't you talk more or why are you so quiet? At some point in my teens I remember feeling so unheard. I remember that when I did speak it felt like no one was listening because I hardly said anything anyway. I remember feeling like it was easier to not say anything and to just observe everyone else be extroverts. 

There were places, there were people, where I was able to be myself and talked a lot and told really good stories that I mostly made up and people thought I was awesome. Well, because I am. But, I didn't feel that way everywhere. I didn't feel like I fit in with my peers and those I wanted to be like. The truth was, I wasn't like them. Some days I still struggle  with my introverted ways. That need to go home when I'm done and not feel like I'm missing out on anything. The days when my energy is so low and talking to other people just exhausts me. 

I find it really hard being with my family. My family is awesome. I love them all so much. But, they don't stop - they are extroverts. I need alone time, down time... time to recharge with out people demanding my energy and its really hard to do when we are on vacation together and we go non stop. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me? Why can't I just pull it together and keep going? Everyone else is. 

It's really hard to remember that I need to recharge in different ways than everyone else. Sometimes I feel sad to say that people drain me.  I'm an introvert and I'll bet you that a lot people I work with would think I'm an extrovert. If I'm having an off day people will ask me why I'm so quiet because it's unusual. Which makes me giggle a little some times. I feel like a lot of why I seem extroverted is because I am super comfortable with who I am. It has taken me a long time to get here but I am here. I love who I am. Sure, I make mistakes and I don't always say or do the "right" thing. We are all human and I do truly believe life is a work in progress. As I sit here and think of how far I've come in loving and accepting myself it makes me smile and feel a little teary eyed. I know it took me a long time to get here. I don't think that I could be where I am without all the hard times. All the days where I learned the lessons about people and about myself. As I sit here a song is playing by Ben Howard that I feel is a great reminder to us all as we journey through life.

"Keep your head up, keep your heart strong." 

And then a few of my most relatable introverted "signs" from the article I read... the link is below.

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome. 
2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.
7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.
8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards. 
10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.
14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends. 
15. You notice details that others don't. 
16. You have a constantly running inner monologue. 
18. You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s. 
19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings 
20. You look at the big picture. 
21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”
22. You’re a writer. 
23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity. 

23 signs You're secretly an introvert