I believe in hope.

I am someone who doesn't like to give up. I have big ideas. Sometimes my ideas are too big for me to accomplish but for a while I think I can do ANYTHING I put my mind too. The problem is that sometimes I try to "put my mind too" too many things. Like How about I start a bakery while creating herbal infusions and grow micro greens with my friends. That was fun while it lasted. But nothing really took off or did amazing for me because I was all over the place. Not committed enough to one idea. This has been my problem for as long as I can remember. I have never thought as myself as a commitment phobe. I mean I have been in long term relationships where I would have stayed if things would have worked out. So I guess I am not that kind of commitment phobe. I am afraid of my accomplishments. I am afraid at truly succeeding. I think its kinda dumb too. I mean what is there really to be afraid of? Geez, I would just HATE to make a ton of money and feel like I can truly support a family without worry! That would suck. No, I really wish I was making more money. I really wish I comfortable with money. But, like a lot of my friends there just isn't enough to go around. I've made a lot of choices in my life to be where I am today. And where am I you ask? Well, I am living in a state where the unemployment rate is out of control and I am living in a town where there are people with PHDs that are waiting tables because this town is that cool that they are willing to make less money for a better quality of life. Well, I am working on changing my situation. This is where I am starting. With HOPE. Hope for a better tomorrow that I will create for myself. I am a 31 year old woman who makes $10 an hour and works seasonally. Right now I am living off of unemployment and I photograph weddings on the side. I am applying for bankruptcy and I am single. I'm not an unattractive woman and I do have a college degree. So what am I going to do to change my life? Well, for today I am going to have hope for a better tomorrow. My hope is that through writing about my journey every day I will come up with one positive thing about my future and how I want it to unfold. Hope for the future may be all I have today. But I am hoping that tomorrow it will be my reality. You gotta start some where. And even if I don't have enough money to do what I need to do... it doesn't cost a thing to smile. :)