Endings.

Yes. It's been a week full of series endings on t.v. And while I don't own a t.v. I do watch t.v. shows on my computer. Oh, how I love the digital age. The thing about watching my t.v. shows on the internet is that I was not privy to all the hype about the season finales of some of my favorite t.v. shows. So, while I became aware at some point during the actual season finale that I was in fact watching the shows ending... I felt almost betrayed that they could wrap things up so quickly. Life does not get wrapped up so quickly. I myself have been in the mist of a number of endings this past week. I left my home town to come work for my parents after spending an amazing weekend with a man I care about dearly but have come to realize that I just need to move on from that dream of there being an "us". There are so many different ways to connect with people out there in the world, it is hard to know which way we are meant to connect with those we just are connected too. Anyway, I said goodbye to him this week, and I feel ok about... but it was not wrapped up in such a nice neat bow. While I don't feel that we will ever lose touch with one another... I do feel that we are moving farther apart than we once had been... and change is hard. Endings are hard... no matter how much you KNOW it needs to happen. The things that gets me about season finales on tv is that they are so emotional. Well, at least the shows I watch. I am a very emotional person in general so the fact that I think they are emotional is not a huge deal... but they have been so pertinent to what is going on in my own personal life that I think they have had a bigger effect on me than possibly on someone who is totally content in their life and has everything they want. I don't have what I think I want right now. But, that isn't to say that I don't have anything I want. I have a loving family and wonderful friends and I live in a town I love and I have a roof over my head... my basic needs are met. But am I proud of what I am doing and happy with where my life is going? Not really. Not really at all. Sometimes I am unsure if I find it more important to live for today or do more planning for the future. I am not always the best at seeing into the future and how it will look and what it can do for me. I think all I can do some days is live in the moment and not worry about the future... but still keep it in mind. I saw Michael Franti on Monday night.. one of my favorite musicians... he knows how to keep a crowd moving! And I am going to see him tonight now that I am at my parents house... He has this new song called "Shake it" the lyrics go "you are perfect just the way you are... shake it, shake it, shake it" ... and today I am perfect just the way I am! :)