Change

"There’s no such thing as a 'little change,' in the sense of it being a change that doesn’t matter. All change in one’s life matters, because change is creation, and creation matters."

Neale Donald Walsch ♥

 

Change.

Oh, boy can I feel it happening. I am angry. I am angry with the way my life is right now. Anger usually stirs up sadness in me, and so I've been crying... a lot. Yesterday at work every little thing set me off. People would say hello in a strange way and I wouldn't like them... and then the tears would come from nowhere while I was talking to someone on the phone. Thank goodness that I was not on a video phone! But what this all really feels like to me is that the universe is nudging, is telling me that I have to change. I have to change what I am doing and now. I have come to this comfortable place in a job that I do really well at but am paid miserably for and I am ready to get out. But, you can't just quit your day job now, can you? Oh, if only I played the lottery and won it, of course. 

So, the seeds of change are on my mind. I am scared out of my skull most of the time because I am going into uncharted territory for me, trying to do things that I have no idea how they work. But that has NEVER stopped me before. I am the girl who decided she was going to bake bread for farmer's markets and went out and read a book about how to do it and then did it, well, I might add. I baked over 100 loaves a weekend. I kinda rock like that. 

The difference between then and now is that I have learned SO MUCH. I mean so much has happened in the last 10 years and I'm not so keen on using all my credit on my credit cards to start a business.  I have the support of my amazing parents who seem to have total faith that I will make this happen if I come up with the plan. Which is awesome but honestly it is really overwhelming. I have tried so many things and failed, haven't I? Or have I just been bored and stopped what I was doing? Whatever it was - what if it happens again? 

Today I am focusing on the future. On what I have in my head swirling around as the positive and great plan to have my own business that I am proud of. When I think about having that - my OWN business that I am PROUD of - I want to cry tears of joy. This feeling that I want to create my own space creating my own creations with people that I choose to work with - this is what pushes me forward to change. I know in my heart of hearts - in my soul - what I should be doing. Right now my soul is yelling that what I am doing is not it. 

change.

I just have to change. One step at a time I will get there. And when I get there I am going to be the proudest person for accomplishing something that feels so scary and so hard and tough and overwhelming. I know I can do it.

 I will do it. 

I can change. 

I will change.